The Ford Ranch

It's taken me awhile to process enough to be able to write about this...but I need to. I need to mark it, to raise an Ebenezer, to remember, because it's a moment in our lives together that God is using and will continue to use to grow us.

Since about March or April, Mr. Ford and I had been in the process of purchasing the home that his Grampa Ford had lived in for nearly 40 years. It was the house that Mr. Ford and his siblings and cousins grew up spending time at...they built memories there and the walls are filled with the stories of a family and a legacy. Even in the garage the walls are literally marked with the growing up of the grandchildren that ran and played and learned and loved there.

In the garage...I so badly wanted to add my children's timeline to this history.

Mr. Ford and I had ourselves written countless pages of our own story in that house. It was where he was living when we met and so many of our early dates were in that house, around Grampa's dinner table - Mr. Ford, Grampa, and I. Even then we dreamed together of maybe someday carrying on our story in that place. So when the opportunity arose to make it a reality, (to be clear, Grampa just couldn't live there independently anymore...he is alive and well!) the dreaming became much more specific. We began to picture bringing our babies home to that front room, with the built-in bookcase that Grampa had built. We pictured our little chicken coop and vegetable garden on the back part of the lot, where Mr. Ford would teach our children all about gardening. We pictured ourselves sitting on the deck under the big oak tree in the front yard, after putting the kids to bed, and remembering where we'd been and dreaming together about where we'd go. I had a whole stock-pile of memories that we had already created there and memories that I had dreamed up there. We were grateful.

Mr. Ford chopping wood in the backyard...taken just weeks after our first date.

It was affectionately referred to as The Ford Ranch. We were thrilled to have the opportunity to breathe new life into it and to carry on the legacy and to continue to write the story of the Ford family within those walls. We believed, and I still do believe, it was not the "blessing" of a house...it was a holy tasking to make that home a safe space for everyone in our lives to love and be loved, unconditionally and unequivocally. We were so excited.

The house needed some love and because of the kind of loan we were getting to give it that love, the process was taking a long time. But we were patient, certain that this was something we were meant to do and that in the end it would all be worth it. We poured blood, sweat, and tears into it and our little tribe of people rallied around us and showed up for us in truly remarkable ways to help us get there. 

Removing wallpaper and the infamous mirror at the end of the hall.

Then four days before we were supposed to close, after months and months of waiting and dreaming and picturing living and dying in that house, we learned there was a problem with the loan, that turned out to be insurmountable. We fought to the very end and did everything we could to not let the dream die, but in the end...there was nothing we could do. We had to walk away from The Ford Ranch.

It was a surreal week, the week surrounding that final decision. Just before we had the conversation that resulted in the resolution, a friend of mine, who knew the situation, texted me that she was praying for God's best for us in the situation, and it reminded me that He really does know better than I do. Mr. Ford and I sat in our car and prayed that same prayer aloud together and asked for quick and clear discernment as to what His best for us, and everyone involved, really was. He certainly answered that one...we knew very quickly that we needed to walk. For the sake of the family, for us, and for Grampa. I won't go into all of the details, but where we once felt confident that we were meant to be in that house, we were now confident that we were not meant to be.

That's a strange flip to make. We really did, and still do, believe that at the time, trying to buy that house was what we were meant to do. And I think that the point was not to actually purchase the house and live in it, but that the whole process was meant to teach us to dream again and to recognize what our true ministry is. The work we knew God was calling us to has not changed...we can do that work anywhere. And we will. But I think that He needed us to walk through this particular moment in our story to really get clarity on what that work is. This was the refining fire meant to prepare us for the mighty things He wants to accomplish through us.

God has loved us so well and so uniquely throughout this process. He has surrounded us with friends and family who have walked through every step with us; who have been excited with us, who have sweat alongside of us, who have prayed with us (I'll never forget the moment my mother was taking down wood paneling in the room that was going to be the nursery for our future babies, praying for them..the ones not yet even knit together, so very loved), who have cried with us, and who have mourned with us. 

We were heartbroken. We stood in that dreamed up nursery one last time, crying together and broken, at the death of that particular dream. We have been mourning that death, and so many others, in this situation, but the people of God in our lives have taken the command to mourn with those who mourn seriously, and we are forever indebted.

But we also know that God is good and He is faithful. He is orchestrating a dream that is so far beyond anything we can imagine and more than anything, I just want to live within the dream He has for us, for our life together. We rest in that and in the comfort of His embrace. We are at great peace, even in our sorrow and mourning.

Grampa in his chair, days before he moved out. So grateful for the time spent with him in that room.

The Ford Ranch is not a house...it is that special place in the hearts and memories of everyone who spent time there and now we take it wherever we go, wherever we are, and wherever we honor the legacy and the stories written together in that home. I'm so grateful to have been allowed to be a player in the story of The Ford Ranch. I take up that mantle, not lightly, but with great passion and great reverence for everything that God has done there and will continue to do. 

Ford family, if you have a memory of The Ford Ranch you'd like to mark, I'd love it if you'd leave a comment here...let's raise this Ebenezer together and remember together. 

WITH

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions. I don't really know why...the idea just never resonated with me. Lately though, I've been hearing of a movement that has really resonated. The OneWord movement? Have you heard of this?

Basically, you choose one word that will serve as a guide post for the rest of your year and open yourself up to allowing God to define, explore, and reveal the multitude of meanings for that word in your life. It makes so much sense to me as it's easy to remember and free from the guilt and shame that failure to follow through on a resolution can bring. 

It's hard to choose the right word, because I want it to be a Spirit-led decision. As I've thought about it and prayed about it over the last week or so though, one word kept rising to the surface and I have a great sense of expectation about this word and this year. 

Mr. Ford and I will experience a lot of change and shifting in 2013. There are several answers that will be provided to us this year that we've been waiting for and those answers will determine a lot about the path our life together will take. We are ready and eager for whatever answers God gives us. We have spent a lot of time praying and talking and coming to a place of absolute contentment and trust in whatever the Lord brings us. Knowing this, in large part, has led me to my word for 2013, because I think it is how the Holy Spirit wants to guide me through these answers.

My OneWord for 2013 is WITH.

I just finished reading Radical Hospitality (um, game changer) and I am bowled over by the difficult simplicity of the true heart of hospitality. It is basically about just being present. To be WITH people, to walk WITH them. In their pain, in their suffering, in their joy, in their difficult-to-love states. To look them in the eye and say "I am WITH you now, in this moment, regardless of where or what else I could or 'should' be doing". That repositioning and re-posturing is simple, yet profound. I want to be intentional about being WITH people this year.

I want to be WITH God this year. To be WITH Him in His word and in prayer and in my eucharisteo. 

I want to be WITH my husband this year and in all that God is sure to bring our way in 2013.

WITH my church as we grow and expand.

WITH my friends in deeper and truer ways.

WITH my family in new and more intentional ways.

I want to walk through my days WITH gratitude.

WITH grace.

WITH wonder.

WITH joy.

WITH tenderness and gentleness and mercy.

WITH expectation and trust.

WITH certainty in the hope and promise of God's faithfulness.

WITH a spirit of learning and a heart of giving.

WITH the sole purpose of being grace to all I encounter.

This word, WITH, is a powerful and profound preposition. It bolsters the action verb and is active, even in it's passivity. I don't claim to have a full understanding of the preposition now, but my prayer and my expectation is that God will use it to affirm what I already know, shake up what I think I know, and reveal what I do not know about the meaning of the word WITH. 

And so I enter 2013 WITH a guiding word and a guiding principle and WITH great expectation and excitement. 

Let's do this.

Book Club

Image Source (and Book Club Source)

I, Mrs. Ford, English Major, have joined a book club.

Not all that shocking, I guess, but news nonetheless.

It's an online book club that I found through a blogger, Edie, I follow, who also, coincidentally, is good friends with my Aunt out in Tennessee. Edie is a strong believer and advocate for reading and reading the classics, which just speaks to my little soul.

I have been aching for discussions on literature, one of the things I miss most desperately about my time in college. And I've toyed with the idea of joining a book club, but most book clubs. that I know of at least, aren't...well...they aren't reading the classics, I'll put it that way. I've been feeling a pull back to them but was struggling to find the motivation and the incentive to go back. And then Edie announced this new online book club and my heart soared. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will not be asked to read 50 Shades of Grey...and that's the kind of confidence I want in a book club I join. 

She's doing a chronological approach, so we're starting with The Odyssey by Homer, for September. I've read it before, but it deserves a re-read when I'm not also trying to read three other books for other classes. It deserves some undivided attention and focus. And that's what Edie is really trying to accomplish with this kind of book club. She doesn't want to shy away from the difficult classics for the very reason many do...they require focus and effort, which is something we are sorely lacking in our age of social networks, tweets, and instant information. Ironically, that "information" is often meaningless and empty, so very unlike a classic like The Odyssey. Your high school English teacher wants you to read these books for a reason, and it's not to torture you. 

To begin the discussion she offered this article from the LA Times (it's a few years old, but every bit as relevant now...if not more so) on "The Lost Art of Reading" and holy cow. Sing the song of my people, please. I have serious thoughts and musings on this kind of stuff and the "why" behind reading fiction and the classics that is intertwined with, and cannot be separated from, my life as a Christ Follower and my God-given ministry of reconciliation. That may be a subject for another post, but I will offer you this quote from the article that kind of sums up what I mean by that:

[T]he ability to still my mind long enough to inhabit someone else's world, and to let that someone else inhabit mine. Reading is an act of contemplation, perhaps the only act in which we allow ourselves to merge with the consciousness of another human being.

Chew on that for awhile, then let's talk. Seriously.

Anyway, I'm really excited about this. If you're looking for the same kind of challenging (and life-changing) literature in a book club forum, join me, join us! And let me know if you are. It'll do your heart, mind, and soul some good.

"What's Up, Baby?"

Erica, my heavenly Dumey angel, and Leah, my earthly Dumey angel.

Who do I go to for advice on how to groom my eyebrows without spending loads of money? It makes me smile to imagine your answer...they're out of control, let me tell ya', and you'd laugh.

It's hard to believe a year has passed already. But not a day has gone by that you are not on my heart and on my mind. That will never change. You touched my life inexplicably, sweet friend, and everyday of my life from now until I hear your "What's up, baby?" again, I will carry your legacy with me. It is written on my very soul.

A legacy of passion, creativity, laughter, and love. And the critical importance of taking the time to come alongside and bear one another's burdens. I'm doing my darnedest to own that and carry it out.

Dance and be free, baby.


PS - At our wedding, Mr. Ford and I asked our guests to choose from four different organizations to which we would donate on behalf of each table present. One of those was NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, in loving memory of Erica. All but four tables chose NAMI. Today, we are planning to make that donation.