Milo Andrew - A Birth Story, Part 1

Warning: SO many words ahead. 

Darling boy. 

Finally, finally you're here. 

From the moment they placed you on my chest our world and our hearts cracked wide open to welcome you in; to share in this little life we have built. It's a simple life, but it's ours and it's beautiful. And now that you're here, it's a more complete life. 

Will you let me tell you a story, baby doll? The story of your entrance into our world? I'll try not to embarrass you...

First family selfie

During our 39th week together, Mama started to get really anxious to meet you. She knew she needed to be patient and let you decide on your own when you were ready, but that's not to say she didn't do a few things to encourage you. She started walking more, swimming at Mamie and Papi's house (they bought a house with a pool in anticipation of you, darling. They, and Papa, can't wait till your big enough to play in it), and taking Evening Primrose Oil. Several days passed with no sign of your pending arrival. 

At 39 weeks, 6 days Mama and Papa had a great dinner at Mamie and Papi's house and watched a few episodes of Jen Hatmaker's reality show on HGTV. Mama started to feel really tired and uncomfortable so they decided to head back home. When they got home, they got distracted by a puzzle they had started earlier in the day to pass the time till you came (your parents are super cool people). Mama was increasingly more uncomfortable as they sat there and worked on the puzzle, but it never crossed her mind that it could have been the first signs you were on your way. She's still not sure if that's what it was. Finally, they decided to go to bed.

At 1:57 AM, Mama jolted awake with what she was 85% sure was a no kidding contraction. It felt like a really bad menstrual cramp (I realize that will never mean anything to you and probably just embarrass you, but there it is. It's part of the story.) She got up to go to the bathroom and then waited to see if it would happen again. About 10 minutes later, sure enough, another contraction. She waited through a few more contractions, which were about 10-15 min apart, over the course of an hour. At about 3 AM, she woke Papa up to let him know that you were coming to greet us. They called their midwife, Fawn, to let her know labor had started and to make sure that the light bleeding Mama was having was normal. (It was.) She told us to try to go back to sleep which Papa thought was a great idea. Mama knew that was not gonna happen. 

What you can't see is that this is a cat puzzle...
I think we thought we were being clever as we are NOT cat people.

It wasn't long before she realized that this was happening and happening quickly. You were not wasting any time in finding your way to us. Mama woke Papa up again and let him know that he needed to start to prepare the bed. He also started timing the contractions.

I suppose I should interject here that you were born at home. More on the whys of that choice at another time.

Mama spent the next hour and a half laboring quietly and peacefully, in the dim lights of her bedroom. The only position that was really comfortable for her was bent over the edge of the bed, swaying and breathing through the contractions. Occasionally, she would lean on Papa's chest and they would slow dance. Papa was the most amazing coach and partner. He was right there for every contraction, rubbing Mama's back and encouraging her through each one. Between each contraction, he rushed around to prepare the bed, and he did his best to get the birth tub ready. They soon realized they would not have time to make use of the birth tub. 

Fawn and her apprentice, Jamie, had told Mama and Papa that when contractions had been consistently 4 minutes apart for an hour, that was when they should call to have them come. By the time the contractions were consistent for an hour, they were 3 minutes apart, so at about 5:15 AM Papa called Fawn to let her know that contractions were 3 minutes apart and she should probably come. Fawn sounded a bit skeptical that Mama was already that far along, but she said she would come. Fawn arrived about 5:45-6 AM and she checked Mama to see how far along she really was. Everyone was surprised to find out that she was already fully dilated after about 4 hours of laboring! Fawn asked Mama if she was ready to push to which Mama replied "Not yet!" She needed time to process that this had happened so quickly and mentally prepare to push and meet you. After about another 30 minutes, it was time to push and help you make your entrance into this big, scary, and wonderful world.

//

Just a few reflections on the story up to this point (part 2 to come later in the week).

We spent MONTHS in pregnancy preparing for what we were expecting to be a 24 hr/30 hr/LONG labor. Everything we read and everyone we talked to said that for first time moms, this was normal. We took a Bradley Method course to learn and practice techniques to get us through the long labor successfully as a team. Everything we do in life is a team effort, from the mundane things to the major life moments, so Bradley was tailor-made for us. Mr. Ford dove into the role of support head first. He amazed me all through pregnancy at how involved and curious he was about the whole birth process and the role he could play in helping the birth of our child be the successful, natural, intervention-free home birth we desired. I fell more in love with him in pregnancy as he sought to serve his growing family in this way, and we drew closer together than ever before. 

So when labor actually started and progressed as quickly it did, we were surprised, to say the least. We ended up not needing most of what we had learned and practiced and only used a fraction of the birth kit we had assembled. It certainly helped to be so prepared, though, because it felt as though we were just trying to mentally keep up with what my body was doing. Being so prepared allowed us to just default to what we had practiced without having to think about it too much. 

Catastrophically happy.

It all felt very dreamlike and surreal, as it all started in the middle of the night and I felt very outside of myself the whole time. The contractions were certainly difficult, but again, I had prepared for something much more painful and HARD, so it was strange to me to not be too phased by them. It's hard to describe without sounding nonchalant and dismissive of the very real difficulty of laboring through contractions, which I certainly felt. It just...I don't know...felt NATURAL for me to be experiencing these labor pains. I don't know if it was because I was just trying to mentally keep up with what my body was physically doing that I didn't have time to really FEEL the pain, or what it was; it just felt as though I was always meant to DO this thing. I was so ready and it just felt...natural. Yes. That's the best way to describe it, I think. I felt peaceful and in control and capable and strong. Frankly, I FELT the truth that God has embedded on my heart and in my soul that I AM a Woman of Valor. There are just not sufficient words to explain it and I feel as though I'm grasping at them now, so I'll just leave it be. 

Stay tuned for Part 2. 

Holy Ground

Photo by Jill DeVries

Mr. Ford and I are celebrating our first anniversary this weekend.

I tried several times to come up with words that were worthy of marking this year. None were sufficient.

So I'm just going to keep this one for us. That's how it should be anyway.

This year has been a holy experience and I am taking off my shoes and experiencing this holy moment and walking this holy ground with my husband and our God and we are keeping it for ourselves.

God is good. God is faithful. His grace abounds.

We are off to Tahoe to reflect together on our first year and to seek God's vision together for our next year. We will raise our Ebenezer there together and come home, ready to walk into our next year with great expectations and anticipation.

Saved and Being Saved

This is my contribution to Sarah Bessey's synchroblog on "What is saving your life right now?" 

So many things save me, every day.

11 pounds of unconditional, curled-up-next-to-my-leg-as-tightly-as-possible, love.

A little boy saying, "Ms. Ashley. I like you. I like when you come to my house."

The rise and fall of another little boy's ecstatic giggle when I offer him an Otter Pop.

Novels that wreck me in just the right way and then put me back together in a wholly unexpected fixing.

No JAB.

The people we meet with every Monday evening.

A blogging community that stretches my heart and mind in ways I never thought I would be stretched...ways that are painful, annoying, and beautiful.

Relationships once thought to be lost, but are found again.

Weekends to celebrate with family, adding to family, to look forward to. 

Gilmore Girls.

Friends and family breaking bread together at our table.

Hot coffee out of a mug made especially for me by my Kindred Spirit.

My sister.

Peter, Wendy, Neverland.

Trying a new recipe and declaring it a success.

My bed...and ALL of the life-saving properties contained therein.

Boundaries.

The peace that comes from choosing to rest in God's faithfulness even when it seems impossible.

An appointment to have my hair cut.

Moms clamoring to claim a day for me to watch their most precious gifts.

Mostly though, what is saving me right now, is the friendship, trust, loyalty, camaraderie, love, equal partnership, and team that I have in the gift of my Mr. Ford. His quiet strength and leadership and never-ending faith in the Lord's care for US, offers me the equilibrium that I so often need. His deep desire to do what he can to make a way for us to live out our dreams together and the way in which he needs me and my discernment to help make those decisions. His perseverance and hard work in everything he does. The way he notices me, large and small. His servant heart. The way he seeks out the wisdom of those who have gone before him. The faith he has in me and my strengths. His arms wrapped around me and the softness of his kiss. His smile, his blue eyes, his blonde hair. The way he sprawls across the floor or the bed or the couch that says he has not yet lost the little boy inside. The way he doesn't move away from, but rather towards, me and my ugly cry when I am at my weakest. The sound of his laugh when we are totally relaxed and silly. The way he allows himself to be the instrument through which God speaks to me, that right now, I hear best. All of the ways he gives himself to me and humbly and joyfully accepts the ways I give myself to him. 

My husband, my friend, my lover, my partner. 

Right now, HE'S what's saving me. 

What's saving you right now?

Weekend Dates

*Edit: I'm so dumb! I never mentioned what movie we saw. We saw Moonrise Kingdom. Oops!

Since Mr. Ford's work schedule is not a Monday through Friday deal, we have to take our "Saturdays" whenever we can get them...which usually means anytime we have a day off together. This week yesterday was our Saturday and he was off early enough on Thursday that it felt like a Friday night. This is so rare and we took full advantage of it.

Happy to have a summer evening together.

Thursday night, I had a hankering for some yummies from a local food stand called Sunflower. It's a vegetarian place and is probably the best food around. Hands down the best tacos I've ever had, with or without meat. So we hopped in the car with the dog and drove over there. While we were standing in line, we heard live music start up in the park next door. So after we got our order (two nutburgers...to die for), we walked over the hill and discovered a summer concert series in full swing. I think all of Fair Oaks and the surrounding area had turned out for it. TONS of people with their picnics and dogs and families. And dancing. Oh, the dancing. The people watching was solid gold. And the summer evening weather was perfection. It was a wonderful impromptu date night. And boy was it impromptu...I was in my sweat pants and had not put on any make-up all day. But a pleasant surprise evening out with my little family. 

Fair Oaks Summer Concert Series

Cute puppy and a nutburger.

Then Friday, we slept in and drank coffee in bed. Then Mr. Ford left to have lunch with a friend while I leisurely got ready for the day. When he came home, we decided to drive up to ELDO because my adorable 6 year old cousin had a lemonade stand and you just cannot deny that. Poor thing was at a slight disadvantage, living in a gated community in the foothills, so I wanted to be sure she had some business. So the whole Ford family hopped in the car and went in search of some lemonade. And cookies. And "decorative straws". Her exact words. 

Me with my decorative straw.

She and her little friend were SO cute and so optimistic about their lack of customers. But can I just say how disappointed I was in the several people that just drove by her and waved. People, what on earth can be so important that you don't have time to stop for 2 minutes and buy some lemonade from a little girl?! Seriously. It'll make their day and more than likely, seeing their smile will make yours too. Don't drive past, this summer, if you see a sweet little girl with a lemonade stand. Take a moment and make a difference in her day. 

Cutest little lemonade stand ever.

After we hung out a little bit and helped her pack up (we were her last customers of the day), we headed back home to drop the dog off and then we drove into downtown Sac for some bookstore roaming. Mr. Ford bought me a used copy of an Ann Patchett novel I've been wanting to read for awhile. Then he surprised me and told me that we were going to have some dinner and see a movie!

A notice on one of the shelves in the bookstore.

There is an old theater in Sacramento called the Tower Theater that only has 3 screens and shows some of the less mainstream movies. Right next door is the Tower Cafe with a wonderfully sweet outdoor patio. This is where we had dinner and a movie. It is so charming and I love that my town has such a gem like this. I loved sitting under the overgrowth of trees, talking, laughing, and enjoying a meal and some drinks with the love of my life. 

Dinner on the patio.

The movie was perfect. It was sweet, beautiful, and dreamy. And the little boy was SO much like my Mr. Ford (Khaki Scout!) and the little girl was enough like me (yellow suitcase full of books) and the way they spoke to one another and dealt with life was so familiar to us that I told Mr. Ford when we walked out of the movie that I was more in love with him then when we went in. I fell more in love with my husband through the character of Sam. Is that weird? Well, I don't care. It happened. It was just such a delightful little flick and I was in a dreamy, other-worldly haze for the rest of the evening. Even still a little bit today. 

Tower Theater and Cafe

We finished off the evening sharing a slice of tiramisu and a couple of espressos back on the patio of the Tower Cafe, with it all lit up and romantic. We laughed a lot more and reveled in the hazy cocoon that the movie had wrapped us in and just enjoyed each other. There is nothing better than dating my husband and the longer we are together and the more we learn about each other and the deeper in love we fall, the better the dating gets. For as long as I live, I never want to stop dating my husband. Whether the dates are completely impromptu, semi-planned, or planned months and weeks in advance...they all have their place and they are all wonderful. 

LOVE my husband.

Hope your weekend is just as lovely!

Celebrate!

So the weekend of June 22-25 was a weekend of many celebrations and boy, was it exhausting!

My Dad turned 50 back on the 13th but we threw him a surprise party on the 22nd when his sister and her family were in town from Tennessee.

Sidebar: Shout out to the Dibbs! You should come back to Cali more often...or just move back. We all know you want to. I LOVE when they are around. Mine and my sister's relationship with our cousin's Andrew and Morgan can best be summed up like this:

Graphic via here

Anyway, the theme of the party was MarioKart and my mom really went all out and managed to pull it off...he was totally surprised. Had no idea.

We made him "break through" the "finish line".

We had an awesome cake made by a local bakery:

We had cupcakes too with little MarioKart figures on top.

And my mom made cookies to look like the invincibility stars:

Mr. Ford ate a lot of these.

We ordered cakepops to look like the "one-up" mushrooms from Mr. Ford's awesome cousin's cakepop business, Sallyface Cakepops:

CUTE. And yummy.

B-T-Dubs, they ship anywhere in the country. Got your back, Chy. ;)

My Uncle Kirk grilled and smoked so much of his famous Tri-Tip, I don't think he left any for the rest of the state of California. The man is a Tri-Tip wizard. So yum.

And my Dad got to play MarioKart with a lot of his favorite people.

By which I mean his nieces and nephews.

Mostly, it was just a wonderful time spent celebrating an incredible man who has done so much for so many in his 50 years with family and friends who are family.

The next day we spent just chilling at the Miller homestead in Yuba City with family, which is so rare but so lovely. Relaxing, refreshing, and fun. So much fun. The Millers love to laugh and know how to make each other laugh (however inappropriate it may be at times...oops ;) and that's how we spent Saturday. I wish we could have more time like more often.

Cousin Andrew wearing G-pa's hat.

Mr. Ford and I

6 1/2 year old Gilly teaching cousin Andrew how to play a game on her Kindle.

Then Sunday it was time for Ford family celebrations! It was not only Mr. Ford's sister's birthday but also our niece, Giulia's first birthday! So we headed over to Ben and Gina's to celebrate our sweet, sweet, full of personality and life Giulia. 

WIth our niece/Mr. Ford's Goddaughter.

That girl LOVED her cake and is not afraid to get messy...while still looking gorgeous. My kind of girl.

FEARLESS.

Mr. Ford's sister, Elizabeth, and her son, Logan, as well as my wonderful, Mother-in-Love, Colleen drove up from down south to be with everybody for Weekend 'o' Celebrations, which was a real treat. I love having them around and I got to bond a little more with Logan, which was a major plus. Sunday night we had a quiet dinner at Chevy's to celebrate Elizabeth. Mr. Ford got her a sombrero and she retaliated and got him one too, since his birthday was on Monday! (I told you there were lots of people to celebrate!)

Mr. Ford can be such a goober...but he's my goober. :)

And Monday was my Mr. Ford's birthday. Oh my, do I love that man. We had a nice quiet morning, drinking coffee and I read all of his Facebook birthday wishes out loud to him, emphasizing when there were all caps and the number of exclamation points used. He really loved that. ;)

Then Mr. Ford got cooking. What he wanted most to do for his birthday was to cook a fabulous meal for some of the people he loved (which turned out to be, as he put it, "the women in his life"). He has always loved to cook and to be adventurous in the kitchen, but since starting back to school full-time while working full-time, he hasn't been able to cook much of anything at all, much less get adventurous. So that's what he wanted to do. And boy was it phenomenal! It reminded me of why I fell in love with him and married him.

He made a 3 course meal, plus an aperitif course and a dessert course. For the aperitif he made what were basically gruyere cheese-its...holy cow. They were so good! They were gobbled up so fast. OMG, yum.

Then he made a chilled melon soup that was so refreshing and perfect for summer.

Then there was a FABULOUS roasted, chopped beet and red onion salad. You cannot go wrong with roasted beets. Just ask me.

THEN. Oh, then...he made duck confit. MY man made duck confit. I have died and gone to heaven. Duck confit is the food of the gods...and also the French. Oh, my word. I love duck confit...probably one of my favorite foods and the singular reason I go to France. ;) Just kidding...kind of. And my man NAILED IT. It was unbelievable. No words. I may go so far as to say it was the best of my life. Sorry, Frenchies. But it was really that good. Woo! Cloud nine.

It doesn't look like much, but TRUST ME.

 And then we had a tart tatin, which is basically on upside-down, open-faced apple pie and also very French. Yum, yum. Even though it made a GIANT mess in my oven. But whatever. I'm over it.

I was very proud of my table setting too. :)

And other than oohing and ahhing over my husband's chops in the kitchen, we just had a lovely evening chatting and being together. And watching Logan run back and forth and play with toys. Man, do I love that kid.

Love this kid. Also our Godson. We collect them, apparently. :)

My husband is truly my best friend and equal and perfect yin to my yang in every way. I love him forever and am so grateful to have been able to celebrate another year of his life, because his life has changed mine in radical and unexpected ways. If you've ever met him, count yourself blessed and enriched. The fact that he chose to cook for others on HIS birthday speaks volumes of his character and his servant heart. I love you to the moon and back, Mr. Ford.

And Tuesday I got to spend a quiet day at home with my sister-in-love, Elizabeth, chatting on the couch for hours on end. That was a true blessing. I am so grateful to have her and her precious son in my life as well.

It was a crazy, busy, long, exhausting weekend but a weekend we'll always remember. Full of celebrations of the ones we love. That is always a joy.

A Lifetime of Laughter

Source: Pinterest

(Note: I found this photo while perusing Pinterest and it didn't link back to the actual source of the photo. My apologies for inadequate source citation.)

This may be one of the most beautiful images I've ever seen.

Maybe it's because I'm an old soul, but I'm always drawn in by images and stories of couples who have  stood the test of time. What's more inspiring than that for a young woman just beginning her love story?

Even before I met Mr. Ford, I always loved these stories, because it gave me hope that the thing I longed for most was possible...attainable. Realistic.

Siiigh.

This particular image - her in a hospital bed, him in a wheelchair, laughing and just delighted to be in that moment with one another - perfectly encapsulates what I want most in my old age...any age, really.

Mr. Ford and I love to laugh and we laugh often. We're probably not really all that funny, but to one another we are and we delight in just being together. The joy boils over and comes out in laughter. 

I don't ever want to lose that.

Whatever this couple's story is, I know they've laughed a lot together. And that's probably how they've gotten through many a difficult time together. 

Like the one they were probably experiencing when this moment was immortalized.

That's been true of the Ford's story so far. I hope it's true of our story for a lifetime.

Through the joys and the sorrows.

A lifetime of laughter with my beloved. 

That's really all I want.

Napa Weekend

Wine country is just gorgeous. I love my state...it is so diverse in it's topography and I just adore that about it. Wine country is certainly no let down. My pictures don't do it justice. If you ever have the opportunity, go! Even if you don't drink wine...

We had a wonderful time at the Marriage Retreat in Napa. The whole weekend we kept saying to each other, "We're in Napa...weird". Neither of us had ever been there, so it was such a treat for our first visit be together. There are few things I love more than experiencing new places and things with my husband. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling 100% on Sunday when we were going to stick around and visit some wineries, so we didn't get to enjoy that part of Napa quite as much as we would have liked (I know, totally lame), but I DID enjoy some wine at dinner on Saturday. More on that in a moment.

The retreat itself was a great opportunity for us to get away and just be together, focusing on our marriage and gaining tools to help us as we move forward. We take this thing very seriously and are always hungry for ways to help us protect our marriage against all that this world wants to throw at us to destroy it. We came away with several nuggets of wisdom, but one of my favorites was this idea that conflict in marriage needs a re-framing...rather than thinking of it as me vs. you, think of it as us vs. the problem. You are on the same team in your marriage...don't fall prey to the lies of the enemy that you are fighting one another. Fight the problem TOGETHER. Seems obvious enough, but it's so easy to forget that...stay on guard and be vigilant to protect against the insidious lie that you are alone in whatever issues arise. You are a TEAM. And you have to protect that team at all costs. Good stuff.

A few other wisdom nuggets:

- Often, the thing that irritates you most about your spouse is the thing that you need the most. The example that the speakers gave was that in the early days of their marriage and their work in ministry, he would go full steam ahead and spend a lot of time outside of the home working to advance the Kingdom (not in and of itself a bad thing) and she would be bothered that he wasn't home very often. One day as he was venting to God about how she was slowing him and the Kingdom work down, God smacked him and said, "If it weren't for her 'slowing you down' you'd already be burned out". I thought that was awesome...whenever I get really irritated by something that Mr. Ford does/doesn't do, I'm going to start thinking about it in terms of what God could be telling me it is that I need. Isn't it amazing how the Lord knows just exactly what we need and gives us people (oftentimes our spouse) to provide that thing? He orchestrates every detail...

- Here's a pithy one, but underneath the pithiness, it's just beautiful: The look of her dreams is far more important than the look of her jeans. AND Be less concerned with what he is earning than with what he is learning. In other words, fall in love with their dreams and they will ALWAYS be the most attractive person in the world to you; fall in love with how they are growing and the ebb and flow of life will be a much easier ride. Beautiful, no?

Psyched for our date night.

And the most useful tool we came away with was what they called The Dream Spouse List, meant to help communicate expectations. Basically, you ask your spouse what the 5 things you could do that would make you their absolute perfect dream spouse and then rate them and weight (out of 100%) them in priority order. And then share the lists with one another and begin working on those items. The trick though is to re-evaluate every quarter or anytime there is a major life change, because as you begin intentionally doing the things on the list, other things may come up. You can take some items off, or leave them on, even if your spouse is doing really well with those, just as a reminder that "this is really important to me and you're doing a great job with it, but keep it up". The other thing is grace...if it's not on the list, offer grace to let those things slide. That thing doesn't matter...yet. Add it to the list the next time you re-evaluate, but don't hold them accountable for it if it's not one the list. 

I think ultimately, in all things, grace must abound. That's the gospel after all, and as far as I can tell, marriage is meant to be a mirror of the gospel to your spouse. Cover yourself and your spouse and your marriage in grace and the Lord will bless it. Grace, grace, and more grace.

Aside from the marriage wisdom nuggets, we met some younger couples that we are hopeful can blossom into deeper friendships and we also had the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends which we are hopeful will lead to another mentoring relationship. We also had the opportunity to have a nice date night out which was probably my very favorite part of the weekend. 

Mr. Ford and I have always loved going out to eat and we are huge foodies. Some of our earliest dates were 3 hour long dinners where we took our time, slowly enjoying each course and talking. Oh, the talking. It's been awhile since we've been able to do that, so it was such a joy to intentionally spend literally hours over dinner and drinks and conversation with one another. I never tire of hearing Mr. Ford's thoughts and it means the world to me that he is so intentional in making sure I know he feels the same about me. We learned new things about each other, encouraged one another, and reconnected on our vision for our life together. What a gift to be married to a man who desires to partner with me in my life calling and I with his...that our life callings seem to match up and fit together so perfectly. It's like Someone knew what they were doing when they brought us together.

My plate was a work of art.

And the food was spectacular...as was the wine. Only in Napa can you have wine on tap. Yes, my Riesling was a blend that the sommelier of the restaurant created himself and was stored in the barrel on the premises and poured straight from the barrel. Don't tell me Jesus doesn't love me...holy cow, that was some good stuff and it went so well with my snapper and Chardonnay mussel emulsion. Shut. Up. Amen, thank you Jesus! And Mr. Ford's Zinfindel and pork chops with a whiskey apple mustard sauce was nothing to pooh-pooh either. We left fat and happy. :)

So many gifts in our lives...we are consistently humbled and amazed by the Lord's goodness to us and we were reminded yet again of His faithfulness this weekend.