"Eshet Chayil!"

I recently finished reading Rachel Held Evans' fantastic new book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood. It's a memoir about the year she spent attempting to take as many of the Bible's instructions to women to their literal, and sometimes absurd, extremes. She does this to posit that perhaps there is no one definition for "Biblical Womanhood" and that maybe, just maybe, that's okay. That maybe, because the roles of women throughout Scripture, are as varied as they are today, there is no one size fits all mold for "Biblical Womanhood". I found the book funny, disarming,  encouraging, and empowering.

There has been quite a bit of buzz surrounding the release of this tome, both negative and positive, from all kinds of people that agree and disagree with her theology, hermeneutics, ideas, methods, what-have-you. What I don't want to do is outline where and why I agree or disagree with what she proposes in the book (though by my use of the qualifying adjective "fantastic" you can probably infer where I might fall in that particular discourse).

What I do want to do, however, is tell you how reading her book has encouraged me, and even empowered me, as a woman. Yes, I just used the word "empowered" for the second time.

Far and away, my favorite chapter in the book was the chapter on "Valor". In it, she takes on the Proverbs 31 Woman. If you've grown up anywhere even tangentially near the evangelical church you KNOW about the Proverbs 31 Woman. If you're a woman, you know you are supposed to be just like her. If you're a man, you know you're supposed to marry a woman just like her. So Rachel decided to take to the literal extreme, the general idea that has more or less been championed regarding the Proverbs 31 Woman: she made it a checklist of things to do, that one must accomplish in order to be a good woman. And 14 days into it, she writes "the Proverbs 31 Woman had made me feel guilty, inadequate, and poor" (p. 85). I thought that was Pinterst's job...

In order to try to understand this passage of Scripture better, she turned to a Jewish woman, and rabbi's wife, Ahava. Ahava told her that the phrase that is usually translated "a wife of noble character", or "eshet chayil" in the Hebrew, is actually better translated "a woman of valor". Ahava also told Rachel that her husband calls her an "eshet chayil" at every Sabbath meal, and sings the Proverbs 31 poem (because that's what it is, a poem) to her. This is a fairly common Jewish custom, apparently. The MEN are the ones who memorize the passage, not the women. The MEN sing it over their wives as a blessing, because as Rachel writes, "Eshet chayil is at it's core a blessing - one that was never meant to be earned, but to be given, unconditionally" (p.88). I mean...how liberating does that feel? Sit with that a minute. 

What we've done, as Rachel writes, is

...abandoned the meaning of the poem by focusing on the specifics, and it became just another impossible standard by which to measure our failures. We turned an anthem into an assignment, a poem into a job description. [T]he woman described in Proverbs 31 is not some ideal that exists out there; she is present in each one of us when we do even the smallest things with valor (pp.89-90).

But oh my goodness, how much do you love the truth of it?! Ladies, do you hear this? Becoming like the Proverbs 31 Woman is not about WHAT you do, but HOW you do it - with valor (paraphrased from p. 95)! After telling her husband Dan about this, he began to shout "Woman of Valor" to her whenever he wanted to bless her for something she did. Like, clean out the guest room closet. And then she also found that blessing the women in her life with it was incredibly powerful and encouraging. 

I was so buoyed up by this idea and have kind of been floating on the liberating feeling of it and the power of the blessing of "Eshet Chayil"! I shared this with Mr. Ford and the first time he called me a Woman of Valor after a particularly grueling day working with 3 little ones, I nearly burst. And I began to think about all of the incredible, brave, strong, valorous women in my life and felt an overwhelming urge to run around shouting "Eshet Chayil" over all of them, because I want them to feel empowered to continue to live out their Womanhood in the valorous ways that they ALREADY are. So I'm just gonna do that right here on my little blog. 

To my sister, Sarah, who has had to be brave in ways I will never have to be...

Eshet Chayil!

To my mother-in-love, Colleen, who raised the man I am undeservedly allowed to spend my life with, along with some really fantastic brothers-in-law and a sister-in-law, and who has encouraged and blessed me in untold ways...

Eshet Chayil!

To my sister-in-love, Elizabeth, who is raising my incredible nephew as a single mother and bravely being his champion...

Eshet Chayil!

To my other sister-in-love, Gina, who raised two sweet girls to adulthood and is now bravely raising two more sweet girls...

Eshet Chayil!

To my other other sister-in-love, Stephanie, who spent years studying and working hard to become a successful pharmacist...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Maybell, who never had an easy life but always had a smile and who, even at the very end, was more concerned about the people she loved most and their well-being than her own...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Howell, who waited patiently for the love of her life to come home from the war to marry him and who followed him all over the country as he planted churches and who raised 6 kids in the midst of all that...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Pat, who fought and conquered her battle with breast cancer...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Aunt Cindy, who is a friend and encouragement to me and a bad-ass who runs mad crazy relay races and marathons...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other other Mommas, Debbie, who has had to do what no mother should ever have to and buried her daughter, but continues to valorously seek God and rest in His peace...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other Mommas, Lynn, who is a Momma to all that walks through her door and loves each one fiercely...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other Mommas, Dena, who has been the one I turn to when I can't get ahold of my own Mom and who graciously allowed her daughter and I to take over her living room every weekend so we could learn the dances in Newsies and who taught me to love a good harmony and Les Mis...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Aunt Tennie, who has raised and home-schooled 5 of the kindest and most generous children (whom I count as sisters and brother) and who can write a mean note of blessing and encouragement...

Eshet Chayil!

To my best friend, Kate, who has never stopped pursuing her dream and who is working on her PhD and who has been the true meaning of iron sharpening iron for me for the better part of my life...

Eshet Chayil!

To my roommate, Kristi, who even though she is a homebody, bravely moved with her husband to England and has flourished and done so well in her job there and who has taught me so much...

Eshet Chayil!

To my roommate, Leah, who never stopped taking steps to make herself a better teacher, including moving to Russia for a year, until she achieved her dream - her own classroom - and become one of the favorite teachers at her school and who also has allowed me to learn what it means to mourn with those  who mourn...

Eshet Chayil!

To my SisterFriend, Andi, who has bravely prayed for and forgiven those who have hurt her and shown me what it really means to have a ministry of reconciliation...

Eshet Chayil!

To my cousin, Heide, who is raising triplet girls and a single boy, and who is acting CEO of one of the craziest, busiest, most generous families you will ever have the privilege of knowing and who knows how to savor every complex flavor of joy there is to be found in life...

Eshet Chayil!

To an acquaintance, Joanna, who has also had to do the unthinkable and bury her daughter and has fought tirelessly and valiantly everyday since to carry out her daughter's wish of raising awareness and finding a cure for childhood cancer...

Eshet Chayil!

To my cousin-in-love, Miranda, who spends half of her time as a single mother while her husband travels for work to support them and who has stood by my cousin through some really tough times and who has become an absolute treasure to our whole family in such a short time...

Eshet Chayil!

To my mentor, Brenda, who has been a fiercely loving mother to her kids and a fiercely loving wife to her husband and a fiercely loving follower of Christ and who has been an example for me in more ways than she can know...

Eshet Chayil!

To my kindred spirit, Hanna, who is relentlessly chasing her dream of becoming a writer and who has been creative and resourceful to support that dream in the meantime and who has creative talent oozing out her pores...

Eshet Chayil!

And to my mom, Ruth, who has been a champion for my sister and I our entire lives, who has been a caretaker and nurturer for more people than any of us could ever count, who has shown me how to love a husband fiercely and without end, who has seen more, experienced more, and dealt with more than I will ever truly know, and who is maybe the most valorous woman I know...

Eshet Chayil!

And to you...yes, you...whoever you may be, reading this. Someone I know that I may have foolishly forgotten, or someone I don't know...whatever it is that you are doing with valor, keep doing it...

Eshet Chayil!

I am proud to be counted worthy enough to know these great women of valor and I, for one, am "taking back" the Proverbs 31 Woman for what she truly is - a woman of valor. And that, and that alone, is the standard she offers me by which to measure myself. 

And men, take notice if you have a Valorous Woman in your life, a true Proverbs 31 Woman. Doesn't have to be your wife. She doesn't even have to be married to be valorous. Won't you let her know that she has blessed you with her valor?

What about you? Who are the Women of Valor in your life? Will you bless them today and speak Eshet Chayil into their lives?