It's strange, to finally be living the reality of a dream you've had for 25 years.
It's surreal and wonderful and lovely and overwhelming and weird and mostly just a bundle of emotions that span the spectrum. Indescribable, really.
Three weeks ago today, I married the man who gave the face and the life to the faceless man in my dreams for so many years. His name is Mr. Ford and I am his Mrs. And we have embarked on this journey called marriage, the journey that inextricably links two people till death do they part in an attempt to do life together. It's exciting in ways I knew it would be and in ways I never expected.
It has always been my lifelong dream to be a wife and a mother. Simply that...though not so simply, really. I have never been a career-minded woman. I have never felt any desire or drive to climb any kind of ladder, social or corporate, in the way that the feminists think I should want to. It doesn't appeal to me in any way. The deepest desire of this heart is to make her home her work. To, as our fantastic pastoral mentor admonished in our pre-marital counseling, create an environment in the home where intimacy can flourish. That is my true work. My worthy work. My kingdom work. Intimacy with my husband, with our future children, and with any person who walks through our front door. And as a strong, independent woman, I CHOOSE to make this my life's work. To make this the ladder I climb, the ladder of ever greater intimacy with my God, my husband, my children, my family, my friends, and anyone else I am given the opportunity to know. I CHOOSE to forgo the idea that true personal fulfillment comes from work outside the home, because for me that fulfillment comes from making the home my work.
I have always known that's what I wanted for myself. I have always known my dream and embraced it. And now that part of that dream has come true, I am surprised by just how much fulfillment I truly do get from it. I have found in the very short week that we have been back from our honeymoon that I derive a great deal of joy from making our home a place that my husband is excited to come home to. I thrill at the idea that the fact that the kitchen counters are clear of clutter and there are no dishes in the sink and his laundry is done and there is fresh pumpkin bread waiting for him when he comes home from work makes him happy. I have never felt more fulfilled at any other work than I do at this work.
Maybe that sounds archaic and sad to some of you. Maybe you're pitying me right now for my clouded and blind grasp of how a woman should be fulfilled. Please don't. Remember, I CHOOSE this. I could choose to have a high-powered career, if I wanted that. But I don't. In my strength, my independence, and in the deepest parts of who I am, I CHOOSE to be at home. And the Lord has seen fit to bless me abundantly with a husband who supports my choice. And please know that is precisely what it is...MY choice. This is just my experience, my story, my journey. I in no way wish to demand that it should be so for all women...I'm just grateful that it is possible for it to be so for me.
Granted, for now, I still work outside the home, mostly out of necessity. There are some other things in our life that we must take care of before I can make the home my primary workplace. And that's okay too. I am still blessed beyond comprehension to be living out one of my dreams. And this blog is basically an attempt to chronicle that dream come true and all the dreams to come true in the future that are possible because the Lord gave me my Mr. Ford.
There is much to share with you already...beginning with our wedding...our magical beyond words wedding...but for the moment please accept this introduction and bear with me as I learn how best to make use of this thing called blogging. Accept it as an invitation into our home and an offer to join the Fords in their search for ever greater intimacy with the world and the people around them.