A Splintered Flash of Grace

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Regarding experience and what it means for hospitality, from the book Radical Hospitality, by Lonni Collins Pratt:

Letting ourselves believe that our experience constitutes normality and that other ways of doing life are abnormal is delusional and dangerous (pg 105).

and later:

When we hold tightly to a worldview in which our experience is at the center, we live small lives. If we don't consider the ramifications of such a life we can easily slip into suspicion, misunderstanding, and prejudice of strangers -- those who do not meet our standard of 'normal' (pg.111).

God has been repeating this truth to me over and over, clear as day, lately. I don't know that I've ever heard Him so clearly on anything before. Well, except for when He assured me that He would mold Mr. Ford into the man that would become my husband. He is faithful!

But what these quotes reflect, and what I have been discovering from other conversations, things I've read, and time seeking God on the true meaning of hospitality, is that we MUST be open to hearing the stories and the experiences of "the other". (No, not "The Others", from "The Island"...calm down LOST fanatics.) But "the other", meaning anyone who is not you. No two experiences are the same and that is as it should be. But we cannot fall into the trap of believing that OUR experience is the correct one or the normal one. When we do that, we cut off our ability to fully, deeply, and truly love. We must dare to believe that "the other's" experience -- their story -- has something to teach us; that by opening up to those stories, we are in essence opening ourselves up to the Grand Story that God is telling through each individual person and that He has been telling from the beginning of time.

That's not to say that it is easy. It's a HARD thing. There is a sense of security in believing that everyone else's experiences are, or ought to be, like mine. But it is a false sense of security. Allowing other's experiences to be valid, rather than invalidating them by calling them "abnormal", is scandalous, actually. It opens us up to a greater capacity to be hurt, to be taken advantage of, to be walked on. It is grace. But what you discover as you slowly, tiny piece by tiny piece, begin to allow other's into your heart, your life and to really let them feel about a situation however they feel about it (rather than imposing how YOU would feel about that situation on THEM) is a thin place. Holiness begins to seep through the cracks and explode you wide open. I am beginning to experience these moments, here and there. They are glimpses of the Holy. And I find myself feeling, in those moments, more compassion, less anger, and the beginnings of a deeper understanding of the love that I think 1 Corinthians 13 is really speaking of.

Pratt says it so eloquently, so beautifully:

You will be tucking a child into bed, or pouring a second cup of coffee for you neighbor, or sharing a breadstick with your friend. You will be trying to know what is holy in us all and wondering how to be known by the Holy. You will have read a few books and maybe taken a workshop. You will have spent some time with people reputed to be experts on the subject of hospitality. You will wing it more often than not.

And then that splinter of light will get through the great mysterious confusion, who knows when or where or why, and grace will sneak up on you and you will know, if only for a splintered flash of a second, you will know that your trying is making a difference and your trying is enough (pp. 125-126).

Oh, that I might never stop trying, if only for those splintered flashes! 

 

"Eshet Chayil!"

I recently finished reading Rachel Held Evans' fantastic new book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood. It's a memoir about the year she spent attempting to take as many of the Bible's instructions to women to their literal, and sometimes absurd, extremes. She does this to posit that perhaps there is no one definition for "Biblical Womanhood" and that maybe, just maybe, that's okay. That maybe, because the roles of women throughout Scripture, are as varied as they are today, there is no one size fits all mold for "Biblical Womanhood". I found the book funny, disarming,  encouraging, and empowering.

There has been quite a bit of buzz surrounding the release of this tome, both negative and positive, from all kinds of people that agree and disagree with her theology, hermeneutics, ideas, methods, what-have-you. What I don't want to do is outline where and why I agree or disagree with what she proposes in the book (though by my use of the qualifying adjective "fantastic" you can probably infer where I might fall in that particular discourse).

What I do want to do, however, is tell you how reading her book has encouraged me, and even empowered me, as a woman. Yes, I just used the word "empowered" for the second time.

Far and away, my favorite chapter in the book was the chapter on "Valor". In it, she takes on the Proverbs 31 Woman. If you've grown up anywhere even tangentially near the evangelical church you KNOW about the Proverbs 31 Woman. If you're a woman, you know you are supposed to be just like her. If you're a man, you know you're supposed to marry a woman just like her. So Rachel decided to take to the literal extreme, the general idea that has more or less been championed regarding the Proverbs 31 Woman: she made it a checklist of things to do, that one must accomplish in order to be a good woman. And 14 days into it, she writes "the Proverbs 31 Woman had made me feel guilty, inadequate, and poor" (p. 85). I thought that was Pinterst's job...

In order to try to understand this passage of Scripture better, she turned to a Jewish woman, and rabbi's wife, Ahava. Ahava told her that the phrase that is usually translated "a wife of noble character", or "eshet chayil" in the Hebrew, is actually better translated "a woman of valor". Ahava also told Rachel that her husband calls her an "eshet chayil" at every Sabbath meal, and sings the Proverbs 31 poem (because that's what it is, a poem) to her. This is a fairly common Jewish custom, apparently. The MEN are the ones who memorize the passage, not the women. The MEN sing it over their wives as a blessing, because as Rachel writes, "Eshet chayil is at it's core a blessing - one that was never meant to be earned, but to be given, unconditionally" (p.88). I mean...how liberating does that feel? Sit with that a minute. 

What we've done, as Rachel writes, is

...abandoned the meaning of the poem by focusing on the specifics, and it became just another impossible standard by which to measure our failures. We turned an anthem into an assignment, a poem into a job description. [T]he woman described in Proverbs 31 is not some ideal that exists out there; she is present in each one of us when we do even the smallest things with valor (pp.89-90).

But oh my goodness, how much do you love the truth of it?! Ladies, do you hear this? Becoming like the Proverbs 31 Woman is not about WHAT you do, but HOW you do it - with valor (paraphrased from p. 95)! After telling her husband Dan about this, he began to shout "Woman of Valor" to her whenever he wanted to bless her for something she did. Like, clean out the guest room closet. And then she also found that blessing the women in her life with it was incredibly powerful and encouraging. 

I was so buoyed up by this idea and have kind of been floating on the liberating feeling of it and the power of the blessing of "Eshet Chayil"! I shared this with Mr. Ford and the first time he called me a Woman of Valor after a particularly grueling day working with 3 little ones, I nearly burst. And I began to think about all of the incredible, brave, strong, valorous women in my life and felt an overwhelming urge to run around shouting "Eshet Chayil" over all of them, because I want them to feel empowered to continue to live out their Womanhood in the valorous ways that they ALREADY are. So I'm just gonna do that right here on my little blog. 

To my sister, Sarah, who has had to be brave in ways I will never have to be...

Eshet Chayil!

To my mother-in-love, Colleen, who raised the man I am undeservedly allowed to spend my life with, along with some really fantastic brothers-in-law and a sister-in-law, and who has encouraged and blessed me in untold ways...

Eshet Chayil!

To my sister-in-love, Elizabeth, who is raising my incredible nephew as a single mother and bravely being his champion...

Eshet Chayil!

To my other sister-in-love, Gina, who raised two sweet girls to adulthood and is now bravely raising two more sweet girls...

Eshet Chayil!

To my other other sister-in-love, Stephanie, who spent years studying and working hard to become a successful pharmacist...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Maybell, who never had an easy life but always had a smile and who, even at the very end, was more concerned about the people she loved most and their well-being than her own...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Howell, who waited patiently for the love of her life to come home from the war to marry him and who followed him all over the country as he planted churches and who raised 6 kids in the midst of all that...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Grandma Pat, who fought and conquered her battle with breast cancer...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Aunt Cindy, who is a friend and encouragement to me and a bad-ass who runs mad crazy relay races and marathons...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other other Mommas, Debbie, who has had to do what no mother should ever have to and buried her daughter, but continues to valorously seek God and rest in His peace...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other Mommas, Lynn, who is a Momma to all that walks through her door and loves each one fiercely...

Eshet Chayil!

To (one of) my other Mommas, Dena, who has been the one I turn to when I can't get ahold of my own Mom and who graciously allowed her daughter and I to take over her living room every weekend so we could learn the dances in Newsies and who taught me to love a good harmony and Les Mis...

Eshet Chayil!

To my Aunt Tennie, who has raised and home-schooled 5 of the kindest and most generous children (whom I count as sisters and brother) and who can write a mean note of blessing and encouragement...

Eshet Chayil!

To my best friend, Kate, who has never stopped pursuing her dream and who is working on her PhD and who has been the true meaning of iron sharpening iron for me for the better part of my life...

Eshet Chayil!

To my roommate, Kristi, who even though she is a homebody, bravely moved with her husband to England and has flourished and done so well in her job there and who has taught me so much...

Eshet Chayil!

To my roommate, Leah, who never stopped taking steps to make herself a better teacher, including moving to Russia for a year, until she achieved her dream - her own classroom - and become one of the favorite teachers at her school and who also has allowed me to learn what it means to mourn with those  who mourn...

Eshet Chayil!

To my SisterFriend, Andi, who has bravely prayed for and forgiven those who have hurt her and shown me what it really means to have a ministry of reconciliation...

Eshet Chayil!

To my cousin, Heide, who is raising triplet girls and a single boy, and who is acting CEO of one of the craziest, busiest, most generous families you will ever have the privilege of knowing and who knows how to savor every complex flavor of joy there is to be found in life...

Eshet Chayil!

To an acquaintance, Joanna, who has also had to do the unthinkable and bury her daughter and has fought tirelessly and valiantly everyday since to carry out her daughter's wish of raising awareness and finding a cure for childhood cancer...

Eshet Chayil!

To my cousin-in-love, Miranda, who spends half of her time as a single mother while her husband travels for work to support them and who has stood by my cousin through some really tough times and who has become an absolute treasure to our whole family in such a short time...

Eshet Chayil!

To my mentor, Brenda, who has been a fiercely loving mother to her kids and a fiercely loving wife to her husband and a fiercely loving follower of Christ and who has been an example for me in more ways than she can know...

Eshet Chayil!

To my kindred spirit, Hanna, who is relentlessly chasing her dream of becoming a writer and who has been creative and resourceful to support that dream in the meantime and who has creative talent oozing out her pores...

Eshet Chayil!

And to my mom, Ruth, who has been a champion for my sister and I our entire lives, who has been a caretaker and nurturer for more people than any of us could ever count, who has shown me how to love a husband fiercely and without end, who has seen more, experienced more, and dealt with more than I will ever truly know, and who is maybe the most valorous woman I know...

Eshet Chayil!

And to you...yes, you...whoever you may be, reading this. Someone I know that I may have foolishly forgotten, or someone I don't know...whatever it is that you are doing with valor, keep doing it...

Eshet Chayil!

I am proud to be counted worthy enough to know these great women of valor and I, for one, am "taking back" the Proverbs 31 Woman for what she truly is - a woman of valor. And that, and that alone, is the standard she offers me by which to measure myself. 

And men, take notice if you have a Valorous Woman in your life, a true Proverbs 31 Woman. Doesn't have to be your wife. She doesn't even have to be married to be valorous. Won't you let her know that she has blessed you with her valor?

What about you? Who are the Women of Valor in your life? Will you bless them today and speak Eshet Chayil into their lives? 

Bread & Wine

Have you heard of Shauna Niequist?

Better yet, have you read Shauna Niequist?

I recently discovered her and her way with words and her heart which so clearly echoes my own.

My husband bought her first book, Cold Tangerines, for me to read on our anniversary trip last month and what I found in the pages of that book was a soul sister who loves a good story, good food, good conversation, and good friends and family. I mean, she studied English and French in college. We're basically kindred spirits. 

As a small sample of how IN MY HEAD AND HEART she really is:

I'm not a doctrinarian, mostly because for me, doctrine is not the thing that God has used to change my life. I'm a reader and a storyteller, and God chose literature and story and poetry as the languages of my spiritual text.     ~Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines, pg.24

I mean. Hello. Yes, yes, and yes.

That book gave me lots to chew on and I have a whole host of things to say, inspired by her words, but I'll save those for another time. 

The point is, I kinda have a friend crush on her now and in order to feed that in the healthiest of ways, of course, I started to follow her on Facebook and Twitter. And Instagram. Don't judge me. As a result of my fan-girl-ness, I discovered she is writing a new book, to be released in April of 2013, called Bread & Wine. It's going to be a collection of essays combined with recipes and the whole idea is that we come to the table, and we break bread and drink wine and tell stories, communing with one another and with Jesus, and we find the Kingdom there. We meet all manner of holiness there.

This idea of hospitality and stories and bread and wine around a table has been creeping it's way into my bones for sometime now and I am allowing it to inform the way I move through my day. This communion in and with God in the everyday is becoming my "why". So I'm waiting with great anticipation for the release of Shauna's new book. 

Imagine, then, my delight when she put out an all-call for recipe testers for it! I immediately jumped at the chance for a number of reasons. I love to cook and try new recipes, the idea of being a part of the publishing process in some way thrills me, the idea of being a part of Shauna's book appealed to me, and quite frankly, she said we'd get our name in the book if we were chosen. So...yeah. No shame. :)

Oh, and I was chosen. I squealed and did a happy dance. And then made plans to test it out for Mr. Ford and for my parents.

Me using a grill for the first time ever! I know, I know...

The completed dish.

Our table complete with wine.

And basically, what happened that night, was what I imagine is exactly the kind of thing Shauna is hoping to encourage with this book. My parents, my husband and I came to the table together, where we told stories and shared delicious food (because, yes, this dish was spectacular and if it's any indication of what the rest of her recipes are like, I will be cooking my way through the book) and drank wine and we met Jesus there and in one another. 

We talked about the church and where it has been, where it is, and where we see it going. Mr. Ford and I shared with my parents the vision, the dream, the passion we have for what our place in the future of the church might be, what our generation's place might be. We talked about family and some of the joys and fears and ups and downs we've experienced together over the last several years. We welcomed a deeper communion with one another and we welcomed the One from whom all ability to have any kind of communion comes. We welcomed the gifts, the grace, the eucharisteo of bread, wine, community, and Jesus.

And I walked away feeling like I'd just had church there, at my parent's table, the four of us together. 

So, Shauna, if you happen to read this, just know that your book, this heart on paper you've worked so hard to get out, it's already having a great impact, and accomplishing what I imagine it is you've set out for it to accomplish. And it hasn't even hit shelves yet. I can not thank you enough for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of this project. I eagerly await it's completion and fully expect the Lord to do a great work through it and at my table because of it. 

There's not much more in life I need but good food, good friends and family, good stories, and my good God. Yup. That about covers it.

 

Holy Ground

Photo by Jill DeVries

Mr. Ford and I are celebrating our first anniversary this weekend.

I tried several times to come up with words that were worthy of marking this year. None were sufficient.

So I'm just going to keep this one for us. That's how it should be anyway.

This year has been a holy experience and I am taking off my shoes and experiencing this holy moment and walking this holy ground with my husband and our God and we are keeping it for ourselves.

God is good. God is faithful. His grace abounds.

We are off to Tahoe to reflect together on our first year and to seek God's vision together for our next year. We will raise our Ebenezer there together and come home, ready to walk into our next year with great expectations and anticipation.

Adventures and Expectations

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September has begun and has brought with it a mental shift to all things Fall. To be sure, I'm dreaming of oranges, reds, and yellows, burlap, all things pumpkin flavored, and I've already begun planning my menu for my very first Thanksgiving as hostess! (I know, I know, but I'm excited, okay? It's like a rite of passage as a housewife, for me.) 

But September has also ushered in a heavy sense of expectation. Not heavy, like, "Whoa, dude...that's heavy". But more like SO much expectation that it's...heavy. Like the only response is to turn my hands palms up, ready to receive whatever it is the Lord wants to place there. I have this feeling that He has some pretty rad adventures lying in wait for us and there is nothing I love more than adventuring with Mr. Ford. I feel like He probably has some brutiful moments to hand us...the kind where the brutal and the beautiful collide and there you find Him and His love in their rawest and purest forms. I'm fairly certain that He has some big changes coming our way, changes that we may not fully come to realize for awhile yet, but they will be set in motion this Fall. I just have a sense of great things to come and I'm ready for them.

We celebrate our first anniversary this month. Maybe that has something to do with it. When we got married, we committed to one another to spend our first year focusing on this fledgling, delicate, new thing we had just given birth to. It was probably the best thing we could have done for ourselves, not taking on any new commitments outside of the single most important one we'd just made. A lot happened in our first year and the Lord was so good to us to know what was coming and gave us the right people at the right time to counsel us to make this commitment. There were many storms that raged around us during that first year, external circumstances that caused us to move closer to one another and to the Lord, in a way that I don't think would have been possible had we not made the commitment to take that year to be wholly present with one another. And I think we are both feeling greatly strengthened and refreshed and like we know who we are as a team and ready to move forward into the dreams that the Lord has given us for our lives and our marriage. We know who we are, individually and as a couple, we have a good sense of the purpose God has breathed into our marriage, and we are ready to walk into it. The Fall has been a starting point for everything in our life together...our first date, our wedding, and now...well. The rest of our life together! 

I've taken claim to these lyrics of a popular worship song:

"I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith. I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek. We're on our knees."

I truly believe that Mr. Ford and I are on the front lines of that generation. At least, that's our heart's desire, one that I know comes from the Lord Himself. We are on our knees, hands open, praying and seeking, as this Fall begins. We are eager and willing to take our place and to accept whatever brutiful adventures on which our Jesus wants to send us. 

Book Club

Image Source (and Book Club Source)

I, Mrs. Ford, English Major, have joined a book club.

Not all that shocking, I guess, but news nonetheless.

It's an online book club that I found through a blogger, Edie, I follow, who also, coincidentally, is good friends with my Aunt out in Tennessee. Edie is a strong believer and advocate for reading and reading the classics, which just speaks to my little soul.

I have been aching for discussions on literature, one of the things I miss most desperately about my time in college. And I've toyed with the idea of joining a book club, but most book clubs. that I know of at least, aren't...well...they aren't reading the classics, I'll put it that way. I've been feeling a pull back to them but was struggling to find the motivation and the incentive to go back. And then Edie announced this new online book club and my heart soared. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will not be asked to read 50 Shades of Grey...and that's the kind of confidence I want in a book club I join. 

She's doing a chronological approach, so we're starting with The Odyssey by Homer, for September. I've read it before, but it deserves a re-read when I'm not also trying to read three other books for other classes. It deserves some undivided attention and focus. And that's what Edie is really trying to accomplish with this kind of book club. She doesn't want to shy away from the difficult classics for the very reason many do...they require focus and effort, which is something we are sorely lacking in our age of social networks, tweets, and instant information. Ironically, that "information" is often meaningless and empty, so very unlike a classic like The Odyssey. Your high school English teacher wants you to read these books for a reason, and it's not to torture you. 

To begin the discussion she offered this article from the LA Times (it's a few years old, but every bit as relevant now...if not more so) on "The Lost Art of Reading" and holy cow. Sing the song of my people, please. I have serious thoughts and musings on this kind of stuff and the "why" behind reading fiction and the classics that is intertwined with, and cannot be separated from, my life as a Christ Follower and my God-given ministry of reconciliation. That may be a subject for another post, but I will offer you this quote from the article that kind of sums up what I mean by that:

[T]he ability to still my mind long enough to inhabit someone else's world, and to let that someone else inhabit mine. Reading is an act of contemplation, perhaps the only act in which we allow ourselves to merge with the consciousness of another human being.

Chew on that for awhile, then let's talk. Seriously.

Anyway, I'm really excited about this. If you're looking for the same kind of challenging (and life-changing) literature in a book club forum, join me, join us! And let me know if you are. It'll do your heart, mind, and soul some good.

Basement Dwelling

Y'all, I've moved to the basement. 

I've watched all this Chick-Fil-A mess unfold in recent days with an ever-increasing heart-sickness and it came to an incredibly noisy din yesterday that left me utterly heart-broken. 

But then I found a light in all of it, a quietness that gave me hope. This blog post:

In the Basement

followed by this one yesterday:

The Basement Manifesto

And I joined her in the basement.

I beg you to read these. And to consider them in your hearts. Then, if you want to sit and have coffee with me, and weather the storm, and try to find a way to calm the storm, and find a way to help those battered by the storm, come down and join us basement-dwellers. We've got our work cut out for us.

In the meantime, basement-dwelling husband and I are headed to Santa Maria for the weekend. This weekend getaway could not have come at a better time. 

Love and peace to you all.

PS - Incidentally, the author of the Basement Manifestos graduated from my own alma mater. God Bless OBU.